“Good speakers are anywhere while a good listener is rare.”
One of health mentality indications is a willingness to be listened. That is why most people will try to state their mindset without being afraid. Liberal countries or earlier independent countries give privilege to their society to build their mindset, especially critical thinking. Unfortunately, for late independent countries, it is not as simple as to apply the courage to stand up for their beliefs, even if the status of the country is democratic.
Living in the democratic country which stand for pluralism challenges me to observe someone’s way of thinking. According to my random observation, way of thinking is determined by dominant environment (family or friendship), daily consumption (written, audio, or audio visual), and self-dominance. Among those factors, the most dominant factor is self-dominance. For example, someone who cares about human right issues will have very different point of view (almost about everything) to those who neglect it. For those who have superb self-dominance will try to stick to their point of view, especially if they state it orally, however those who have less self-dominance will keep their point of view inside, and not defend it in front of society.
Some years ago, I was always thinking about other people’s mindsets, especially about career and things that happened outside our home. My dominant environment likes to do regular things with less risk. Most of Indonesian people, including my family, take their family as the highest priority. Those two things worsen gender equality issues; as a woman, it is harder to get permission to choose their career. Besides, a culture to put yourself out there makes me feel insecure so that I often take my decision with a lot of care. Some parents in my environment who care enough to their neighbor’s opinion are often pressing their children to hit the “normal” standard. For example, some people are asking a lot where you study now, what kind major of your study, when will you marry, and etc. Those questions sound “normal” in my environment but I totally believe that the questions are not emphatic questions. Based on my random observation, most of people here gain the information to get materials for gossip to judge someone’s choices. I call this a mindset correction.
Recently, I personally reached a superb level of self-dominance. There is a long path to find myself as I am today. However, my hobbies—writing, public speaking, observing, reading, and discussing—lead me not only to get new point of views about the position of women in the society but also to do efforts to make them come true. The greatest effort that I ever took in my life is my decision to take a test to enter university (again) in 2015 in social sciences. The announcement that I had got in changed almost the whole of my life. Political sciences of Gadjah Mada University accepts me as one of the students. As I did not ask permission to my parents to take the test, I tried hard to make them sure to give me the chance. However, I did not get them to change their mind. The main reason bring to rebuttal my opinion is my fate as a woman. My mother taking family as priority to career (a banker) believes that I should have a job that have no huge responsibilities so that my future children will not lose my love and attention. She thinks it would be better if I ask my future son to do my dream for me. At the end of our debate, I chose to stay in my major at my current university so that I get Bachelor of Education as my title today because of my love to my parents.
However, the long debate makes me conclude what Stephen R. Convey said is correct, “most people do not listen with intent to understand; they intent to reply.” In the long debate, I delivered my whole plans if they give their permission to be a student of political sciences of Gadjah Mada University. I told them clearly about my plans—to join some competitions collaborated with other majors to do researches, to apply some scholarships and student exchanges, to apply the inventions to help other Indonesian people especially at the remote areas—but they rejected my whole plans and stated that I can do it in my own university. When I said that I searched those opportunities in my university but I did not find it, they tackled me with some counter examples about my sister’s friends who got chances to do what I want to do. As long as I stay in my university, finally I found a fact that every university has different ability to support their students due to the networking. The wider networking a university has, the greater experiences a student may get. Recently, some of my friends confess their struggle to apply a job due to lack of campus networking.
At the other case, some days ago I found clear information from tirto.id about the reason why Miftahul Jannah, Indonesia’s judo athlete, must take her veil off if she want to join the competition. This becomes a trending topic due to human right burning many people into anger without critical thinking since she is disqualified from Asian Para Games 2018 because of it. In fact, there is a technique in judo that gives greater threat to her safety if she wears the veil. This condition brings me to an understanding that someone who has less critical thinking are often reading/listening to reply. As one of my lecturers taught us by giving a mathematics problem, he said that someone who has less critical thinking will calculate it directly and will never find the answer. Meanwhile, those who have critical thinking will think aloud to criticize the problem.
As conclusion, there are three factors—dominant environment, daily consumption, and self-dominance—which determine someone’s point of view. Their point of view will lead someone to state their opinion bravely or keep their opinion inside their brain. At one side, people who have superb self-dominance will state their opinion bravely. At the other side, people who have less self-dominance will keep their opinion inside. Last but not least, critical thinking may minimalize someone to reply other’s opinion without full understanding.