Whenever I come to this place, all I can think of is him. I’ve never moved on. He said he would be back someday. After waiting many years, I’m starting to believe it was all a dream, until today. I found the stone again. That made my thoughts go all the way back to the beginning.
I was standing on the cliff, looking out into the mist when he appeared, panting and said, “Take this.” He shoved a stone into my hand. “This will protect you.”
“From what?” I asked. “Who are you?”
“Not important. We need to get away from that!”
He pointed at the horizon where there was an approaching darkness.
“I’ve never noticed that before,” I said.
“Yeah, it’s kinda new.”
“But why?” I asked.
“No time!”
He took my hand and we ran. The darkness multiplied as we progressed, and eventually surrounded us. I instinctively knew what to do. I pulled out the stone and
held it up to the sky. It shot out green rays all around us, and then everything in our view exploded. We moved as fast as we could through the debris, and discovered a small cave.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Shhh. It can hear us.”
For the next few hours, we sat in silence, though we were only brought closer through the awkward situation. Maybe something was forming between us.
“Wake up! It’s coming!” he said, gently shaking me. I guess I had fallen asleep. The darkness was already swirling around us. I reached into my pocket for the stone, be he stopped me.
“No, let me handle this,” he said.
Energy started flowing around him like water. The darkness recoiled and the energy expanded, eventually pushing the darkness to the entrance of the cave. We held hands and pushed through it, and ran back to the cliff.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“For what?”
“For this.”
He pushed me off the cliff and I crashed into the cold water. As I came up gasping for air, he appeared above me, floating.
“I’m going into it. The darkness. It won’t let up until it has one of us. Goodbye,” he said.
“You can’t!” I screamed.
“I have to. I’ll be back some day.”
“Wait!” I called.
He stopped without turning around.
“What’s your name?”
Before he could speak, the darkness overtook him, swallowing him, and eventually he disappeared.
I’ve cried and known that he would never come back. But after today, and finding the stone in my pocket, maybe there’s a little hope.
I love how the story leaves it up to the reader to guess what the darkness is and who the mysterious hero is. Great story!
What a great story! I love the details and emotion! You should make it into a tv series!
Great story, Miss! I hope that he comes back and she learns his name.
Great story! Love the imagery.
I was hooked from the very first sentence. Great story!
How intriguing. Very exciting story!
I loe the mystery here. I also love the fact that there is an element of hope. We need hope badly today. Lovely and suspensful story.
I love the mystery here. I also love the fact that there is an element of hope. We need hope badly today.
Lovely and chilling at the same time!
Great story. Mysterious and haunting.
Love these universally appealing themes of sacrifice, good and evil and hope. Well done! More please…
I enjoyed the mystery of this story. I would love to read what happens next!
Terrific story!
Great story! Very well done!
Interesting story with great use of imagery and very thought provoking!
I love the opening paragraph! It really drew me into the story. Fantasy is one of my favorite genres. I hope you will continue the story!
Great story, Ava! I love your descriptions and the way the story flows.
What a cool short story. I didn’t want it to end. Keep up the good work! Looking forward to reading more of your stuff.
I really felt like I was there, which is the sign of a great story and talented storyteller. Keep working! Writing is a great way to get to better know both yourself and the world.
It packs a lot into a short space. Nice job.
Amazingly well written!
I really like this. Great job Ava!
Brava to you Ava! I too wish to read the follow up story to the mysterious hero.
Wow!! That’s very impressive story for a 12 year old. Great story and wishing to hear more..
Great! I want to know more! It was enticing and thought provoking. This was extremely well written regardless of the writer’s age. I know well educated adults who can’t write this well. Bravo.
Wonderfully thought and written, with an amazing plot and backstory. Can you write us more??
This is a very interesting story. I like that there is still hope. Great work Ava.
This is awesome
Great work!! Good luck!
Really great story! I love the fantasy and the mysterious hero. Good job!
Awesome story!!! I like your use of imagery, and your choice of words, and it’s amazing how you put all that into such a short story!!! Nice job
Awesome story!!! I like your use of imagery, and your choice of words, and it’s amazing how you put all that into such a short story!!! Nice job
I like how they become friends with each other and i like the cliffhanger.
Very interesting story and the end of the story leaves me suspension which makes the story more exciting. I really like the imagination.
Very creative! I hope you write a full story one day.
This story makes me want to learn more about it. Great Story!!!
This story is full of suspense and intrigue. The narrator’s voice is the best part; it is calm in the face of danger and mystery. Nice work, Ava!
What a creative story for a 12 year old. Hope she continues it.
After reading this great story, I’ll start looking at stones with more interest! Good writing!
I am usually not a lover of fantasy but this short story was
quite interesting and left me wanting to have more. Follow
up with bringing the hero back.
I was very impressed with your mature handling of the tension in your story. It questions, rises, flows, frightens and finally nearly snaps as she abruptly lands in the water. Keep up the good work.
I loved your story! I was left wanting not only to know more about the characters, but where their journey would be taking them!
I love this story! It is very creative, and I think it is the beginning of a very interesting book series.
What a wonderful story, Ava! Your use of action, dialogue, setting and elevated vocabulary is so impressive. I would love to read more!
Dear Miss Doran,
From one writer to another – you are a very gifted storyteller. The Dalai Lama once said, “The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds.” Keep up the good work!
Barbara B.
What a great story–and at age 12! We look forward to reading your future works. Roger and Donna
Inspiring, creative, enjoyed it very much.
Great story, Ava. I hated for it to end and hope you will keep writing more stories.
The pacing was skillfully done! Really enjoyed, thanks.
Really enjoyed this short story, Ava. and hope you will continue writing more.
Beautifully done! Ava’s story telling pulled at my emotions and brought joyful tears and hope.
I loved the story, especially the first paragraph!! It was beautifully written and it got me into the story. Your word choice helped me imagine the scene in my head clearly.
I love this story! I love how it ends off and the style of writing. I love the mystery and the descriptions. Reaching the end made me want more and more! Please write more! I want to find out who this boy is and what this stone is and what the heck it all means!!!
I love it. Your writing made me vizualize it so clearly it’s like I was watching a movie instead of reading. I was drawn in from the first sentence. The skill can be compared with some of the finest authors out there, ones that have written #1 New York Times bestsellers! I so wanted it to be longer so I could find out what happens. Five stars! ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ This story deserves to win every prize for short stories out there!
He’ll be back, he promised! Just need to have faith. Well written in a time that Faith is definitely needed. Keep us posted!! Great job.
Beautifully written I was hooked from the first paragraph. The suspense and mystery was on point young lady.
Looking forward to your next masterpiece
What a story I loved it!
So very impressive! What a talented young writer. Keep it up!
So very impressive! What a talented lady. Let the momentum lead you!
What a great imagination you have, Ava!
Yeet its good, see u at school can we have a sequel
Great short story!
Your insightful storyline is endearing!
Lydia What an amazing story I hope that the story will continue. A part two because I know that he has come back.
This was a very good story and I can not wait to see if there is going to be a continuation . very interesting and wanting me to have more of the story.
Loved this story. So mature for a young writer – impressive!
Mysterious and foreboding, yet somehow hopeful. It makes me want to know more about this stone.
I love this story! There are so many ways to interpret it! What a talented young girl.
Great story! Kept me reading until the end! 🙂
SUCH a cute story. She’s a star on the rise, watch out J.K. Rowling!
I agree Jacquelyn!! She belongs with the likes of Ally Carter, the Erin Hunters, J.K. Rowling, Rick Riordan and Sutherland!! Well done! Reaching the end made me want to read more and more!!!
Great story, I was hooked by the first sentence! Great job Ava!
I enjoyed it very much !!! Great job Ava !
Wow! Left me breathless! Was such a metaphor for so many relationships in life-really gripped my heart! I have many ‘stones’ to think about now…Bravo.
So impressed by the emotion that was conveyed. I think we all have a ‘stone’ or two. Excellent job, Ava!