Mindset Correction

Posted on November 9, 2018 by the Editor

By Lathifa Millati Saifullah. Lathifa is a writer from Blitar, Indonesia. Please read her article and leave your thoughts and comments below.

“Good speakers are anywhere while a good listener is rare.”

One of health mentality indications is a willingness to be listened. That is why most people will try to state their mindset without being afraid. Liberal countries or earlier independent countries give privilege to their society to build their mindset, especially critical thinking. Unfortunately, for late independent countries, it is not as simple as to apply the courage to stand up for their beliefs, even if the status of the country is democratic.

Living in the democratic country which stand for pluralism challenges me to observe someone’s way of thinking. According to my random observation, way of thinking is determined by dominant environment (family or friendship), daily consumption (written, audio, or audio visual), and self-dominance. Among those factors, the most dominant factor is self-dominance. For example, someone who cares about human right issues will have very different point of view (almost about everything) to those who neglect it. For those who have superb self-dominance will try to stick to their point of view, especially if they state it orally, however those who have less self-dominance will keep their point of view inside, and not defend it in front of society.

Some years ago, I was always thinking about other people’s mindsets, especially about career and things that happened outside our home. My dominant environment likes to do regular things with less risk. Most of Indonesian people, including my family, take their family as the highest priority. Those two things worsen gender equality issues; as a woman, it is harder to get permission to choose their career. Besides, a culture to put yourself out there makes me feel insecure so that I often take my decision with a lot of care. Some parents in my environment who care enough to their neighbor’s opinion are often pressing their children to hit the “normal” standard. For example, some people are asking a lot where you study now, what kind major of your study, when will you marry, and etc. Those questions sound “normal” in my environment but I totally believe that the questions are not emphatic questions. Based on my random observation, most of people here gain the information to get materials for gossip to judge someone’s choices. I call this a mindset correction.

Recently, I personally reached a superb level of self-dominance. There is a long path to find myself as I am today. However, my hobbies—writing, public speaking, observing, reading, and discussing—lead me not only to get new point of views about the position of women in the society but also to do efforts to make them come true. The greatest effort that I ever took in my life is my decision to take a test to enter university (again) in 2015 in social sciences. The announcement that I had got in changed almost the whole of my life. Political sciences of Gadjah Mada University accepts me as one of the students. As I did not ask permission to my parents to take the test, I tried hard to make them sure to give me the chance. However, I did not get them to change their mind. The main reason bring to rebuttal my opinion is my fate as a woman. My mother taking family as priority to career (a banker) believes that I should have a job that have no huge responsibilities so that my future children will not lose my love and attention. She thinks it would be better if I ask my future son to do my dream for me. At the end of our debate, I chose to stay in my major at my current university so that I get Bachelor of Education as my title today because of my love to my parents.

However, the long debate makes me conclude what Stephen R. Convey said is correct, “most people do not listen with intent to understand; they intent to reply.” In the long debate, I delivered my whole plans if they give their permission to be a student of political sciences of Gadjah Mada University. I told them clearly about my plans—to join some competitions collaborated with other majors to do researches, to apply some scholarships and student exchanges, to apply the inventions to help other Indonesian people especially at the remote areas—but they rejected my whole plans and stated that I can do it in my own university. When I said that I searched those opportunities in my university but I did not find it, they tackled me with some counter examples about my sister’s friends who got chances to do what I want to do. As long as I stay in my university, finally I found a fact that every university has different ability to support their students due to the networking. The wider networking a university has, the greater experiences a student may get. Recently, some of my friends confess their struggle to apply a job due to lack of campus networking.

At the other case, some days ago I found clear information from tirto.id about the reason why Miftahul Jannah, Indonesia’s judo athlete, must take her veil off if she want to join the competition. This becomes a trending topic due to human right burning many people into anger without critical thinking since she is disqualified from Asian Para Games 2018 because of it. In fact, there is a technique in judo that gives greater threat to her safety if she wears the veil. This condition brings me to an understanding that someone who has less critical thinking are often reading/listening to reply. As one of my lecturers taught us by giving a mathematics problem, he said that someone who has less critical thinking will calculate it directly and will never find the answer. Meanwhile, those who have critical thinking will think aloud to criticize the problem.

As conclusion, there are three factors—dominant environment, daily consumption, and self-dominance—which determine someone’s point of view. Their point of view will lead someone to state their opinion bravely or keep their opinion inside their brain. At one side, people who have superb self-dominance will state their opinion bravely. At the other side, people who have less self-dominance will keep their opinion inside. Last but not least, critical thinking may minimalize someone to reply other’s opinion without full understanding.

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84 comments on “Mindset Correction”

    • Lathifa Millati Saifullah on

      Thank you😊 I hope that this essay can be useful for us; so that we do not try to judge someone’s idea without full understanding; moreover respect their ideas.

      Reply
  6. P.M.M. Ikhbal R on

    Thats why we need think twice before we reply and need to understand first about the topic. But, in the end, every peoples have their own opinion & point of view, its depend on us how we react and respect to our talking partner. Thats make us as a good listener. Btw good esay!👍

    Reply
  10. Nadia Az Zahro on

    “People don’t listen to understand, they listen to reply” I’ve hear it before, and because of it I always make a chooses, ‘who’s someone that I can tell about this-and-that, who’ have a rational answers, who is ask me just-for-want-to-know it, who is the one that really understand me and not, etc. Now, I’m like build a wall for some people haha.. But its good, why we have to explain to the people who even don’t care about us? Its wasting time.. cz they just respons with their knowledge, they respon with their point of view. While there’s (even just) someone who openminded and really understand/trying to understand us without judging or make me feel insecure or down. Even if they just listen to us is comfortable right? So, the conclusion is.. conversation with the right people is priceless.
    And if u want to be that right people.. come and read this essay wkwkwk xD

    Reply
  13. Robert Syarifudin on

    What a great opinion u have written 🙂 it really reminds me of a quote, “thinking before doing is wise, thinking after doing is a foolishness, doing without thinking is a thousand foolishness” 🙂 but I am interested in that “dominant environment” which sometimes I consider it as a “problem”. Analogously, it feels like every door I want to open is commanded to be closed and I am forced to open a determined door without having a chance to choose which door I want to open. I don’t like to be treated as a robot and I’m sure everyone so. But that “dominant environment” always ask or state some heart-touching words such “will you betray our tradition?” or “will you abandon your family by choosing it for yourself?” And yes, it definitely will win against “self-dominance”.

    Reply
  14. Robert Syarifudin on

    What a great opinion u have written 🙂 it really reminds me of a quote, “thinking before doing is wise, thinking after doing is a foolishness, doing without thinking is a thousand foolishness” 🙂 but I am interested in that “dominant environment” which sometimes I consider it as a “problem”. Analogously, it feels like every available door in front of me is commanded to be closed and I am forced to open a determined door without having a chance to choose which door I want to open. I don’t like to be treated as a robot and I’m sure everyone so. But that “dominant environment” always ask or state some heart-touching words such “will you betray our tradition?” or “will you abandon your family by choosing it for yourself?” And yes, it definitely will win against “self-dominance”.

    Reply
  17. Justian Anugrah on

    So damn agree with Stephen R. Convey’s quotes. I do read his book (The 7 habit if I got it right?) and I can’t agree more about it. I hope that this article could “hit” those close-minded-peeps out there.
    Amazing article you got there, Lathifa! Keep up the good works!

    Reply
  21. Reno Fitria Sari on

    cool writing about mindset. in psychology it can be known as perception, where it depends on experience, stimulus and personality. where, whatever the response given cannot be said to be wrong or correct. increasingly into the present, the challenge is getting bigger, the gap is getting wider. hopefully it will be accompanied by increasing tolerance and wiser accepting differences from any side.

    Overall, good essay sist. Proud!

    Reply
  23. Fat on

    This essay is just genuinely precise—for most of all indonesian people and all of the thoughts inside. Now I start to understand why are people thinking so hard to find the reply instead of just listening and understanding. It’s probably beacuse they’re afraid to face something that they are not ready to face—though the one who’s actually gonna face the “nightmare” is not them. I remember someone ever said: “for those who are never have a guts to face the obstacles, thus they’re surely will stuck in the same place”.

    Reply
  25. Canthing on

    A good article to explain some psychological concepts so that we are easily understood. I hope that there will be a lot of explanations again about daily activities or some phenomenal in Indonesia especially from the psychological side. So that more good insight and more benefits to us. Good job, sister!

    Reply
  29. Prikenang PS on

    Wow, this is my best reading experience in the past few weeks. I like the way you introduce this issue even though it is rather sad to know your situation, but that is the problem we are facing now.
    What Stephen said about most people listen to reply is my long-time belief. That’s why I tend to keep my mouth shut to understand better what lies beneath the problem.

    I don’t know how much we can gain from correcting our mindset, just like what you said. But I do believe, it’s good enough to make society be better. We have two ears and one mouth, tho. We should listen more.

    What a good writing. Good luck!

    Reply
  39. imada on

    That’s right, sist. I really agree with your thoughts. Fortunately, people nowadays (especially in my – new – environment) do not think critically. They just do what others want, but if someone else does something different, they’re blame that person. 😪 How do you call that way of thinking sist?

    Reply
  42. Elma on

    We’re live in democratic country, but as we can see some people just can’t accept someone else opinions if it is not fits their way of thinking,our people need to chill hehe, thats why we really need “revolusi mental”, such a great article 🙂

    Reply
  44. Yosepha on

    People nowadays have to listen, not only talk their opinion. Woman needs to speak up louder and louder, because that is the way we can be respected by the others.
    Good writing btw 🙂

    Reply
  51. Imadelia Tasya Eartam on

    So in love with your point of view and tbh I’m just thinking that our country needs more open-minded people like you! Keep it up sissy! As Gandhi would say,”Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” I’m with you❤

    Reply
  53. Andreas Rutac on

    very impressive and touching, and still don’t believe it was written by mathematic people. so proud, keep writing and trying latifaaaaa…

    Reply
  57. Anna Nurhalimah on

    Honestly i can relate to this story. I find it hard to explain it and you do a great job for writing this essay. Thank you, i hope all the people who read this essay will never done the same mistake again by having a mindset correction.

    Reply
  59. Rizal Ali Mustofa on

    “ How to help yourself? Let’s talk!!!
    But, how to help others??? LISTEN!!! “

    Your writing truly reminds me on this more-than-words note of mine written on my phone. By this, it means that at least you delivered earlier a message of what I think in this well-written essay. Good job… Thanks 🙂

    Reply

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