Most people talk but only a few listen. Communication is one of the most sensitive interactions, and has great power to make or break any relationship. It can result in chaos and even affect world peace at large. Interestingly, almost everybody wants to be heard, but nobody wants to listen, and even when they listen, do they really understand? The fact that someone is listening to you doesn’t mean that they understand what you are saying. Most of the time, people focus on what they want to hear, and are in a haste to respond in their own understanding, so yes! I do agree with Stephen R. Covey when he says “most people don’t listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”.
It is important to know that, not every statement demands response. Some opinions are for informational purposes, and even so, it still demands listening with understanding in the views of the individual. Another essential point to know is that, listening with understanding in the position of the communicator will determine as to it needing a reply or it being an information. So then again, understanding plays a vital role in any form of communication, be it a presentation or dialogue.
To understand someone is not just about giving them ears, it goes far deep to putting yourself in their position at that point in time to feel how they are feeling. I have been a victim of “listen to reply” attitude a number of times and I know many people have been too. “Listen to reply” attitude is when someone listens to you and replies without deep thoughts into what you say.
I was speaking to a friend about how I got my heart broken by a lady I loved so dearly and how much it was affecting me mentally and psychologically. He was listening carefully with a great deal of attention until he magically thought he had grasped my story half way, and started his commentary. “Trust me, I know how you feel. You are hurt and I am so sorry about that, but this happens all the time. You will get over it and she will know how lucky she was to have had you”, he said. After his comment, I continued to tell him about my love story. I told him about how our seeming never ending love finally ended because the lady had to travel abroad to study and stay afterwards, since most of her family relatives were residing there. She told me she may never come back and as much as she loved me, she couldn’t risk the long distance relationship which would never come to reality. After saying this, my friend quickly responded, “oh! I thought she left you for someone or you left her because she cheated”.
I noticed how quickly my friend jumped from hearing to responding without even listening in full nor understanding what I said. His judgmental preconception and hastiness to fill in the spaces in the conversation was evidence that he was just listening to reply and of course, address my situation through his own paradigm. First, he assumed that as far as I’m hurt, it means the lady did something wrong. Then he blamed the lady as a means of giving me comfort and relief.
He didn’t really take time to listen empathically and connect with me in order to know how I truly felt. Neither did he give me room to communicate the full story before jumping to conclusion with response. Honestly, I was drowning emotionally and I felt I needed to talk to someone about it. Unfortunately, he was a wrong choice at that time and I walked off without saying goodbye.
Later in the week, I met a friend who felt and shared in my pain and I took comfort from her concerns. So of course, some people listen to understand you like my second friend did, but most people just listen to reply. Guess what, I have been a culprit to listening to reply than listening to understand a number of times, and I have learnt my lessons pretty well.
Many relationships today are sinking fast before they even begin to sail as a result of “listen to reply” syndrome. Everybody’s opinion is right based on their own understanding and funny enough, nobody wants to be wrong. We end up breaking up and ending a beautiful relationship because of individual perceptions without understanding. Many families face communication barriers because everyone wants to be understood but nobody really cares to truly understand the psychological and emotional position of another. In our homes, most parents think their children do not understand them, especially the choices they make for them. Same way, the children also think their parents do not understand them and their choices. This is because, both parents and children are all talking, expecting the other party to listen and understand them.
Listening to reply does not only create a gap between communication because people feel they are not understood, it breeds insecurity and fear of judgement. Some people feel insecure opening up to people because of how they will see them in the shallow space of their own thoughts and the perception they tend to have about them. Also, many people are natural judges in the courts of their minds and thus, tend to focus on what and how to judge an issue based on their own individual standard codes of ethics, morality and emotions. These attitudes deter people from sharing their problems and opinions with others. This consequently affects nation building at large since great thoughts and ideas are inhibited and buried in the heads of great thinkers, who are unable to withstand the social and emotional pressure.
Inasmuch as we reflect through thoughts before reply, it is not enough to give people the psychological and emotional comfort they seek for during dialogue. We end up thinking for people than thinking like them.
In communication, we need to first listen empathically to see things how the other party sees it in their world. We need to try as much as possible to position ourselves in their situation in order to understand how they feel emotionally without judgement and derive meaning of the situation. It is only then that we can truly connect with them and respond appropriately if the need be.
This piece is so practical, real and intriguing. A very intellectual piece. Having it in homes, schools, business environment etc will help solve a lot of issues. It must be known to all.
Great piece Eben, the write has said it all. Ability to understand the content of verbalization is very key in good response.
Master piece…listen more Judge less.. Practical indeed
Wow this is a master piece indeed
Interesting, this a representation of reality. Kudos!
I actually fall victim to people just listening to reply and I really want this piece to go out there and change minds .
An educative piece… Deep but easy to grasp
Great piece. Very realistic
Yeah, most people listen to reply. Communication needs commitment as much as relationship does because it is the very fundamental of the latter. Awesome and enlightening write up. More grease to your elbow.
beautiful work bro…I have learnt and thank you dearly
Very educative and practical. Great work.
Wow, this is so practical and educative. Kudos Ebenezer. The world needs to hear, listen and understand this piece.
Great piece
This piece got me
NICE PIECE AND IT THE TRUTH…… NOW I CANT JUDGE SOMEBODY OR LISTEN TO SOMEBODY WITHOUT FULL STORY.
THANKS FOR SHARING
Powerful and excellent
Deep kudos
great piece.
Great piece
Great piece indeed. Titillating and worth appreciating
wow. This is a great piece. it speaks to me in great volumes about not just listening to reply but to understand. I mostly understand people in my own way but after reading this, I’ve had a different perception.
Brilliant piece and must reach many parts of the world to affect changes to people’s thoughts.
Wow… wonder piece.
Thanks man
A masterpiece on the two way communication system of effective listening and responding. This piece portrays how many hypocritically seem to listen when one needs a shoulder to lean on only to be rejected for the seeker to fall. Eben’s piece as I read through tends to be therapeutic and propels socio-psychological comfort. It is like anodyne to an aching tooth.
Very interesting… Nice one there
Resourceful
Lovely piece. We must listen to understand not reply
Excellent write up.
Wow true intellect
Great piece
This is a great piece that everyone needs to read. Good work Eben.
Brilliant piece by all standard. Very insightful, and practical. we need to listen emphatically to understand than just waiting to respond.
This is one great master piece with easy understanding of concept and points.
It got my eyes awake and focused all through.
I believe if many people read this, the world will be transformed by perception when listening.
Good one there.
This is simple with so much wisdom. Beautifully written and I love the title. this piece is a true reflection of what goes on in our daily lives. Very educative and compelling. my perception has no excuse than to change from listening to reply to listening to understand.
I agree totally with you. You have really nailed a huge but critical issue in your write up. Well done.
Nice one
Bro Eben its a very educational piece cause this is what am being thought here in UCC .All the best
nice one
Comprehensive and concise. The additional real life scenario gives it a lot of spice, but, in the instance where the communicator is talking in the ambiguous sense, neither listening to understand nor to reply will make sense. How do we deal with such situations
Wow guy I love this. This is one of a kind.
More wisdom. Respect
This is absolutely a Wonderful and a stunning piece of Listening and understanding before replying.. And I believe its plays a vital role in any form of communication .. We must listen with understanding before we reply in every situation which pops up…Good job Mr Ebenezer Dadzie for this most precious masterpiece which can actually impact to change those who just “Listen and Reply” but rather “Listen and understanding ” before reply..
Once again, thanks for this presentation and may God continue to bless you with more wonderful Knowledge..
This is absolutely a Wonderful and a stunning piece of Listening and understanding before replying.. And I believe its plays a vital role in any form of communication .. We must listen with understanding before we reply in every situation which pops up…Good job Mr Ebenezer Dadzie for this most precious masterpiece which can actually impact to change those who just “Listen and Reply” but rather “Listen and understanding ” before reply..
Once again, thanks for this presentation and may God continue to bless you with more wonderful Knowledge..
Making a great impact of this wonderful masterpiece is one of the kind.. In every communication, we must listen to understand the situation which is been said emotionally before replying .. This is a great presentation to change those who just listen and reply instead of understanding and reply..
Good work Mr Ebenezer.. God bless you.
Nice piece.
Great piece bro
I’m touched, this so real
Great things have little beginnings,keep it up!
So educative… Thanks
Awesome piece
Great work
Hmm Eben I took a deep breath after reading your write-up. Young blood you are the mouthpiece to the silenced and weak people. God bless you bro. #Ebenda Writes
This piece is phenomenal. It addresses reality and the problems with communication. I love the practical examples and the connection to world peace.
The language is deep, emotional and simple to graps the idea and argument being communicated.
I won’t deny being a culprit but I’ve learnt so much from reading how this piece digested the quote.
Great piece……all should have this piece.