What is death? It creeps up behind you. It gently nudges you into its velvety blackness, its misty greyness. It is a deep void, full of everything; full of nothing. A dense mist, ever moving but never changing. This is where I am. Not yet ready to jump off the grey cliffs of what I call home; not yet ready to face whatever comes next – my fate. But I don’t matter. What about you?
Imagine you are here. As you look into the mist, it shows you everything you’ve ever done. All the moments in your life, the good and the bad, pass before you. They don’t matter. Whether there are many, or few, happy, or sad, great, or unnoticed, you can’t do anything about them now. They don’t matter. Your chances are gone. Take them while you can. You probably haven’t done everything you wanted to. I haven’t. My time is up. But I can’t quite bring up the courage to lean forwards. Can you?
What do you regret most? Arguing with your mum, your sister, your friends? Maybe you didn’t have a chance to make up. Maybe you did, but just didn’t take it. Did you do all your work to the best of your ability? Did you love your family enough? I can’t change anything now. Nobody can, when they get here. You can’t change anything except the way you feel. You can’t say “sorry”. You can’t say “I love you”. You’re stuck between worlds, in an ever changing, constant stream of thoughts. You can’t go on. Not yet. Can you?
What is the best thing you have done? Did you rescue an animal? Adopt a child? Did you care for the people around you: look out for them, help them, listen to them? That makes a difference, if only to the individual. You will be remembered for your actions, not what you said you did or what you said you would do. For what you have done. That is how you live on, in memories. Make a difference; change somebody’s life while you can. I can’t any more. Move on from your mistakes. Take your chances. Fragmented memories, drifting past, on the soft, grey breeze. Can you lean forwards, let yourself go?
What do you wish you had done? You can’t change anything now. You should have taken your chances: to learn, to help, to be yourself. Did you? Everyone gets their fair share. But not anymore, not stuck in this world between worlds, a universe of your own. ‘Ever seeing, but never understanding.’ That is what the Bible says, that is us in life. A thin, dense mist, hovering between us and reality. Be prepared. Be observant. I understand now. Can you jump? Jump, freefall into nothingness, into everything you’ve ever done, you ever were, you never were. There’s nothing else to do here. Can you go now?
Stuck in a loop, you have all the time in the world. Your world; my world. There is no measure here, in this empty void full of mist, full of memories. Slightly damp, clinging to you but begging to be let go. Can you see the other side? The faint horizon, only one way to get there. Jump. Do you have the courage?
Do you see me?
Teetering on the edge.
Grey like the sea on a cloudy day.
This is our life; it’s not black and white, good and bad, just different shades of the same grey. Maybe this is our death too, not black, just a different shade of grey.
A sudden wind, blowing me back, blowing me forward.
Not quite falling; not quite spinning. Are you ready to jump?