I am walking, walking towards an unknown place. My mind is leading my body into a different world, an escape. I feel so lost inside and I feel that nobody, not even myself, knows who I am anymore. I am drowning in these thoughts and feelings that make me think about the end, the end of my life.
Every day, I see a big, thick fog when I go out walking. I plunge into the unknown, feeling alone and isolated from the world around me.
In this place, there is a big, silvery fog that intimidates me and makes me feel small.
The trees stand boldly. I would love to be like the trees; I would love to be able to stand up for myself and put people down when they are rude to me.
Inside my head, I know what to say, but on the outside, I don’t. I am scared and I retreat into my shell.
I stand looking at the dense, thick fog. It surrounds me and makes me feel so very trapped, just as I am in my skin. I always feel so different from everybody else. Everyone has their thing and I, I am stuck with nothing but my troubled thoughts. Every day, I wish that I could be like somebody else. I wish that I could speak out in public and make friends easily. I suppose I should be happy with the way I am, but I am not. I really hate myself.
I walk towards the denser fog, my thoughts getting worse and worse. I see flashing images in my mind of dreadful things. As I get closer and closer I can see that the fog looms like it is coming to an end, but it’s not. It’s endless.
There is a cliff, a steep cliff that falls away into the ground. I push a stone over the edge and it drops. There isn’t a sound for ages. It must be very deep, like my thoughts.
I wonder if the time is right, if today is the day that I say goodbye to the world around me. I won’t have to worry anymore or feel sad anymore. I will be free.
I stand by the edge of the cliff, looking down upon my destiny. A tear falls down my cheek. It’s warm and comforting. My thoughts change for the first time over this period. They change to my brilliant mum and ever-so-hardworking dad. I think of my brother, who makes me laugh and I think of my grandpa, who makes me feel better when I am feeling down. I cannot bring myself to do this. If I did, it would make me selfish and I would always have a guilty conscience. Every day, I would think about my loving family and how distraught they would be if I was gone.
I slowly move away from the thick fog. As I am moving, it is becoming less dense.
As I come towards the end, I can feel the most magnificent thing beaming down at me. It is the sun, suspended in the deepest, azure-blue sky. I haven’t seen either of these in a very long time.
I walk slowly through the blissful weather. I feel the sun on my face, the warmth spreading through me. I feel at peace with the world, contented. I know now that with a little help, I can face anything. I don’t need to worry about myself anymore. I have learnt one thing, that the greatest thing is to be happy in your own skin and remember that you are special.
Amazing words that take me to her thoughts, that seem so sad but have the strength to see the positive