Surrounding me, a world of lights. A world of love, a world of wonder. I looked out to the city from my high point in the building. I inhaled the fresh air like it was my last. The many different colours all blurred into one, the many sounds all blurred into one. The city was calling for help and I was answering it’s call. Me. Not anyone else, Me. Lily Anderson. Daughter of Joe and Rachel Anderson. The girl stuck in a building. Me.
As I looked around, I saw pink, blue, green, orange, yellow and not a hint of black covered this city. My jet black hoodie was covering my light brown hair so the wind couldn’t blow my hair in my eyes as I looked out onto the astonishing city. As I got my phone out of my grey coloured backpack, I could hear the faint sound of people partying in the night. I wanted to join them, but since I was me I couldn’t, I was stuck in this building for as long as I could imagine. The only way out was by jumping through the windows onto the street below. There were doors but they were always locked and this is how my parents died. They were stuck here, like me, but they were here together. The world doesn’t know about this place, only the person who put them here. The building is around 50 floors high. The first five floors are blocked and so you wouldn’t be able to jump. Even if I found a way to escape the person would always find me, like the way he/she found my parents. I was only around the age of five, I don’t even know my real age. All I know is that I have been here for ages. Looking out at this amazing city, hearing all those amazing sounds. I get food, I get water, but I don’t get friendship or a life. I’m stuck here forever. I’ve always wanted to leave, I’ve always wanted to know where the lights come from, or where the sounds come from. I don’t even know if Rachel or Joe we’re my parents. All I know is that I once cared for them, but now I don’t, they left me here on my own. I don’t even know if they died. They escaped but I don’t know if they died in the process.
It was time for a change, the day I heard the city call for me to help, for them to escape. I started packing, I started to train, get my muscles ready to climb down this building. I started storing food, ready for whatever were to happen in the city. I knew that I had to try, even if I were to die, I would be fine with it, this building is my death anyway. A few months or something later, I was ready. Lily Anderson was ready, ready to escape this prison. I walked down the stairs to the lowest level I could get too. I got out a rope I made from bed clothes and old clothes. I threw it out and tied it to a near support beam. I inhaled the air and I zoned out from the prison and threw myself out of the window. I gripped the rope hard and slowly climbed down. I looked into the levels below, through the windows. I saw computers, food and more food. But it all looked old and stale. The lower levels were all deserted. I didn’t want to look down but I had too, I saw the ground, I saw cars, I saw life, I saw other people! I was in slight shock at the sight I saw. I was amazed, I got myself this far. But I had to go further. I was so close to the ground, I jumped from the rope onto the solid ground. I was here, all this escape came down to this. I started running, but I was stopped. “Hmmm… you finally did it, Lily. You achieved what I thought you wouldn’t do. Well done.” I looked around at the person and saw a guy, wearing black and only black. It was Joe and behind him was Rachel. Then I slowly was absorbed into the darkness…
Well done ! What an intriguing piece of writing!
Very Good! a very nicely written story
I loved the slow description of the girl and the ending was very intriguing. Also the short sentences helped the story flow and entice me.
I loved it! the title was very subtle and interesting. the cliff-hanger at the end made me want to read more. I am waiting for the next half.
Very good Elina.. Lily 🙂 I enjoyed reading that. Quite dark!
Well done Elina. Well written and very evocative.
I was drawn in straight away, very good. I am on the edge of my seat waiting for the next part.
Spellbound from the beginning, made want to read on Elina, kept suspense right till the end. Xx
Great work Elina, very intriguing and engaging! I enjoyed it!
This has a fascinating ending; on one hand, you think the narrator is escaping, but on the other hand, the narrator becomes absorbed into darkness and possibly, nothing. I like the idea of the narrator escaping on her own, refusing to be a Rapunzel in a locked tower of sorts. This piece of writing employs some good imagery, as you can imagine the scenario in your head. Excellent work!
fabulous. I loved it
Well done. very beautiful story, great ending, captivated me straight away.
Very skilled piece of writing. My daughter, Kelly, loved it, she says it was a great cliff-hanger. I very much agree.
Very Good. I liked the description of the girl. The first paragraph was amazing!
‘A world of love. A world of wonder.’ Indeed it is! A very interesting plot Elina that makes for an intriguing read. What happens next?
Its intricate writing. Its complicated but one can conquer the fear with courage and find the freedom.
Excellent – I was drawn straight into the story!
write more Elina!
Very intriguing and interesting, drawn straight in.