Why would you fit in if you were born to stand out?

By Nadezhda Selezeneva. Nadezhda, 19, lives in Kostanay, The Republic of Kazakhstan. Please read her article and leave your thoughts and comments below.

I love you, my friend, if you ever had to hear in your address: “You’re abnormal!”.  You are lucky.

I do not understand what people mean when they say that you are crazy! But I want to know – do they understand what the norm is?

Many people spend half of their lives (or even entire life) in search of the norm-the golden mean, the ideal golden section of public opinion. Only here they can find happiness and success for their lives.

What else? If you are like others your life will be successful! “I am like other people; I develop and keep pace with the times!”

Perhaps, but none of them (for sure) did not wonder where they were going?

And I will say – for everyone! On the heels of a crowd! And they never know who is ahead of everyone, for whom they are going!

Normal people are like birds in a cage … they live like all other birds, but are constrained, limited in their actions … Some are framed by a golden cage … others are framed by public opinion.

But it’s terrible- when someone’s prejudices and ideas about the norms restrict another person from living.

And the life of one Russian girl is a vivid example of this.

Sixteen years of her life proceeded in a measured, routine way … A modest, clever and always affable girl always admired by everyone who knew her.

“You are our pride and hope” – her relatives always told her.

But one day, like a bolt from the blue, they heard from her the words: “I accepted Islam and became a Muslim!”

To say that they were shocked – do not say anything. How can an ordinary Russian girl become a Muslim?

And when she began wearing the hijab, because she wanted to wear it, she wanted to be obedient to God, everything turned upside down. The world collapsed overnight.

There is no need to tell you how many sidelong glances of former friends she had gotten, how many stupid, senseless and to the depths of the soul insulting words were said in her address.

“You must not wear hijab! There is not our tradition! This is not normal”

The family repeated: “You do not have to stand out from the crowd; you have to be like others!”

Swallowing bitterness of resentment, she could not understand why she suddenly became a universal enemy: in the eyes of friends, neighbors, acquaintances, simply passing people and most importantly … IN THE EYES OF HER FAMILY.

You cannot even imagine what it’s like to hear hate speech from your relatives.

Once they told how much they were proud of her character, her hobbies, and her studies. That is why she was perplexed: she remained the same as she always was, even better. She just decided to wear hijab.

Oh, no, she had never thought of taking off her hijab and living as before, an ordinary life… Like others…

No, to live like everyone else means to live by other people’s rules … what will she get from this? Satisfaction from indulging someone else’s whims? She knew firmly: she would stand up, spite of all ill-wishers , she would become stronger and better than them, if only because she did not break before the onslaught of people who dreamed of a better life and the margins of “norms.”

And every day, her struggle for the right to wear a hijab, to believe in what she believes in, the right to be whom she wants to be.

Why do people lose themselves, their individuality in pursuit of norms, without understanding it themselves?

I think it happens because all of us from early childhood are terribly afraid to stand out from the collective. To be different from everyone else is to become a lonely outcast, or a collective joke. To be not like everyone else means to lose the soporific illusions and to face the unknown, which has always been and will be life here and now.

Have you heard of the placebo effect? The patient is prescribed a special medicine for the disease, which should heal him. However, the patient does not know that this is ordinary water with an admixture of medicinal herbs. However, this is amazing!

These words also can also be applied to the norms of life. People think that this is the most necessary thing for happiness and expects from it an excellent effect. But in practice it is a dummy. Their life is the placebo effect.

Some people used to play the role of “normal” people that they managed to be deceived by accepting other people’s ideals for their own real desires. They are happy with the fulfillment of another desire simply because they get rid of this sense of inferiority, difference from others.

They believed that following artificial social values, they would achieve real happiness. But in reality, happiness is just as artificial here.

And this story about the girl inspires hope that people will finally awaken, get rid of imaginary public illusions and begin to live as they want.

Do you want to know who this girl is?

It’s me. And I want to say a few words to you.

Remember, at first I said that if you were told at least once that you are normal – you are lucky. It’s true! You are happy, because you live as you want, as your soul wants.

Being yourself is the only way to remain a healthy person. To be yourself is to be not a stamped doll, but a real person who realizes the importance of his life.

I do not even know your name, but one thing I know for sure is you’re strong! Yes, strong! You’re not afraid to be what your soul wants to be. Don’t give up!


5 comments on “Why would you fit in if you were born to stand out?

  1. Alarcon on

    It’s a great work ! This story can help to open our eyes to see the world around us and so we will start to appreciate that we have! I enjoyed it…Thank u

  2. Kairat on

    It looks so good! Really we had to live as the society told us..I think it’s wrong ! We have a right to live as we want ourselves!


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