Get What You Should Have Had

By Annisa Abhayamudra. Annisa, 16, is a student at Diponegoro University. She lives in South Tangerang, Indonesia.

We are born with our own right to choose what and how we want to live. Well, there are some accessories though, like our family, friends, and the 19other side of things such as wealth and health. Mostly, we like to discuss our problems with someone we trust, starting with chit-chat and progressing to a deep conversation. It is once in a blue moon that we can figure out things by ourselves. We are afraid of our own opinions and keep in mind that others’ are better and reliable. Some may disagree with what I have stated but the facts, which we can’t deny, is already in front of us. Quality time with people it is called, so it is indirectly part of the problem that we have here, afraid of our inner voice.

As a girl-in-love, I often hear about how trusting your brain more than your heart causes a broken relationship. I can’t deny it too, since our brains work logically and systematically while our heart works with our feelings. I also can’t deny it that it is hard, as human beings, to put less trust in our brain. What I mean here is that our brain makes us think often which cause stress. Stress makes you insecure. Insecure makes you follow and listen to other people. You forget of who you are and what capability you have. It’s just like a fish drowning in a pan of boiling fresh water.

We become a person who lives to listen what people say about us. We live for them; if they don’t like what we’re doing, wearing, or saying, we have to change, and this is not good. We see each other as enemies, not friends. We kill people’s dreams, hope, and belief by poisoning their mind and heart. I will take bullying in high school as an example. I guess we all know what the cases are like, the promiscuous, the sider, the fat, the weak, or the different one are the most well known cases that cause suicide. These teenagers should have been enjoying the world now with smile on their face.

We can see how much society can influence one person’s life, right? In one night, a warm-hearted person can become a killer, a high-class person can become a jerk, an innocent person can become a monster, and a talkative person can become aloof. It just takes three to five sentences to change a person’s life. We can fill their mind with the negativity of their choices and drown them in guilt in just a second. One out of ten people have the possibility to become a hopeless loser, while ten out of ten people have the possibility to become a hope killer.

If we look deeper, we will realize that we live in fear all the time. It seems like a piece of cake to spread wise words but hard to do it yourself in real life. Can we can easily tell people to believe in yourself, you are much better than you think, listen to what you want to be, haters are not a big problem, you can be whoever you want, don’t listen to others, or be brave? I’m not quipping anybody here; I just want to express my opinion even though I do those kinds of things. We face troubles and we look for solutions through the opinion of others. We lose our own inner voice to stand up since we are afraid of doing something worse. There are so many quotes about life, which are so inspiring and make a great impact on our motivation, but there are only a few people that you can rely on. Sometimes, people read quotes to prove they did everything in the right way, not to become better. Which one are you?

As a student in engineering, I do think more with logic. People say my left brain is more of a worker than my right brain. Too stiff, too nerd, too introvert, too reserved, too ‘genius’, and whatever people say about me. I’m happy about that. I don’t want to change their opinion of me even though that’s not me they are talking about. I love when people talk about me, behind my back, since it shows that people care about my life. They put me in front of their own life. They have time to make their eyes turn to me in order to see what I have done and gossip about it. I can’t lie, at first, I was not comfortable in this type of situation. I couldn’t study peacefully since everything that I said, wore, made, used and bought was always being criticized by people on campus. I felt like I live in their shadows. I couldn’t wear my specific skirt, blouse, and veil peacefully. I can’t go a night without overthinking. But thank God, I found the way out. Just keeping in mind that my inner voice is much stronger than their negativity, following what I wanted without having worrying too much what others will say, if they broke my dream then I would break their dream a hundred times more; haters are my biggest fans.

We born with our own right to choose what and how we want to live, free in harmony, that’s the point.

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