“I don’t feel that it is necessary to know exactly what I am. The main interest in life and work is to become someone else that you were not in the beginning.” – Michel Foucault.
When you wake up in the morning, do you just sit around and wait for the sunset, or do you get up and try to make things work out for you? If you are the former, that’s okay. You won’t change much and people will recognize your personality ten years from now. But if you are the latter, like me, then change is inevitable because each days represents a different version of you – a better one from the day before. So it’s your choice whether you go with the flow of life or try to block it from happening. But either way, this is life. You will sometimes promise to never, ever do certain things, but then end up doing them. For example, why do you think couples get married? Is it not because they love and know each other so well that they find no reason to wait anymore? And then at their wedding, they vow to only be separated death but then after three years or so, they file for divorce, listing “irreconcilable differences” as the reason. But the real reason is that as life takes shape and teaches you lessons while also providing you with new challenges, you change. The things that used to make you smile just don’t do it for you anymore and the people that you used to love with your heart and soul, just don’t make your heart race anymore.
Now what do you do then? Because you can’t keep holding on to something that doesn’t add any value to your life, or make you grow in some way just because you are afraid of letting go. Something like that is just toxic and exhausting and it will drain you until your life and everything surrounding it seems miserable, which is unnecessary. We were born to love and also break hearts for our own happiness because we can’t always compromise our happiness for somebody else’s gratitude.
So whether you like it or not, it’s all about what you have in common for any type of relationship to be successful and finding people that are at your level of thinking. The kind of people that you can nerd out with on the same topics such as music, art, writing ,and everything else other than just sexual activities. If you can think about it, why do you think so many artists break up with their long-time sweethearts just after getting famous, and then start dating other artists? You could guess and say that it’s because they are starting to feel themselves a little bit too much and just don’t want to be seen with people who aren’t as famous as them but that’s not always the case. People can love each other but still be forced to break up just because one or the other is getting exposed to this new “environment” and they are starting to work longer hours than usual and travel a lot which can be a problem for their partner. Now this limits the time they get to spend together to literally none so eventually their partner forces them to choose between the relationship and their craft – something they have been working day and night trying to hone. This is when trouble invades paradise because they just think of the time and effort it took for them to earn their spot and this just weighs more than the relationship. They then switch to dating people who are in the same industry, people who, as much as they work long hours too, will understand them a little better other than having to deal wild suspicions every now and then. So the truth is, you can know a person for that period of time, maybe while they still share the same challenges as you, or when you provide them with something they need at that particular time, but when that diminishes, the relationship goes with it. And then eventually you guys cannot vent to each anymore because you will be finding it awkward and just trade simple “Hello’s” and “Happy Belated’s” as a tribute to the time you were inseparable.
For example, I once had a friend who used to be my best friend, especially throughout my high school years. We were inseparable and many thought we were family and this is what we both adopted, viewing each other as brothers. We used to talk about everything from what made one of us sad to what made us smile up until after matric, where he left for college and I had to stay behind because I couldn’t afford the student fees for college. We promised to talk to each other everyday but this only happened for a few months and soon we were only talking after weeks. I suspect he found new friends and things to do with his precious time and that’s okay because it’s life, and we all have to grow.
But all of this doesn’t mean that every relationship or friendship ends after you guys stay in different places, no. But you still cannot run away from the fact that one or both of you will change in some way, so it’s up to you if you guys adapt to the changes or not.