Personal Upgrades

Written by Nancy Fox, writing from Sliema, Malta. Please read and leave your thoughts below!

Ghaaa…it’s been a wild ride these last few…years? I was thinking mostly about just the last few weeks though. You know that feeling, I don’t know how to say it, of safety that you get after you’ve thrown yourself into the abyss of another massive life change but you’re following your soul’s call, and though you don’t know what it’ll look like exactly, you have absolute faith that you’re supported? That you’re good, all will be well, for sure? I just did a backwards drop into that like those teambuilding events do…the faint back with arms crossed in front and just… trust. I just did that, again. So, do you know that feeling?

I haven’t always been on a first name basis with this whole concept of faith, or trust, or hell, even support was foreign. Now, I’m not referring to a religious faith per se, I am not a religious woman. I’m referring to knowing deep inside that you are loved, welcomed and capable in whatever far corner of the world you may find yourself. You could get religious with it, but I’m going to stay on this side of all that…I live in a friendly, loving universe. How about you?

I am no stranger to the darkness of the world. In fact, I’ve seen lots of it real up-close. Yet, I still live in a friendly, loving universe. I was crawling out of one of those deep, very dark places more than a few years back now, when I first came across this little mantra, or mindset, choosing which universe you live in. I was working to become grateful for all the little miracles in my life. I had a bed to sleep in, food in the fridge, clothes, a job, an education, people who loved me…the list grew and grew. It’s a miracle in itself the practice of gratitude…it just keeps growing, and so did I.

I wasn’t denying the pain in the world, or in myself. In fact, I was going deeper than I ever had previously, dissecting personal traumas, pain, and fears. I was writing my little list each day, my gratitude list, along with lots of other therapeutic things to really heal my smashed heart, and I saw the world around me come back to life. The little world of constant miracles in nature, the shared smiles of strangers, blossomed up around me like spring! I came across the work of Wayne Dyer in that time. He spoke of making a choice, do you live in a friendly universe or a hostile one? The choice is up to you.

I’ve lived in both a friendly and hostile universe most of my life, appreciating a lot of the sweetness, but also getting lost in darkness. But nearly always now, I can say I live in a friendly, loving universe that works with me. It has truly changed my life in so many ways, from mood, an increase of joy, to trajectory, even my basic thoughts. I’m not suggesting if we all took note of this and shifted the world would totally change, but, that’s a great idea! My idea was really to talk about how important it is to be willing to change the way we look at things, to change our beliefs, to change direction, to evolve.

Michel Foucault said, “I don’t feel that it is necessary to know exactly what I am. The main interest in life and work is to become someone else that you were not in the beginning.” I simply could not agree more. This idea that we should decide who we are, what we believe about the world, or what we are here to do some time, preferably around university age, is insane. If I were living today in the mindset or belief system I had when I was twenty, ten or even just three years younger, I would have missed out on so many unbelievable experiences…I would have caved so many times along the way because things hadn’t been going the way I thought they needed to for me to feel okay…I get exhausted just thinking about it, all the assumed necessary conditions to feel good in the world. I’ve learned my mind, while relatively bright, is extremely limited. I could not have dreamt up my life today, ever, simple as that. I’m not that imaginative or precise, that creative, or that bold, that free, or that grounded, I am human. But, through embracing the idea that I live in a friendly, loving universe that supports me, I’ve not worried about all the details, and let magic unfold much of the time. I am a planner, but I leave space for magic. I wasn’t always able to do that.

I wasn’t always able to do anything. Right? I mean we learn each new task, set of information or language along the way…from go, we are eating, changing, growing…we hope. The idea is to not stop growing if we are to have truly lived. To say, this is who I am, without wiggle room, is to miss out on the magic, and maybe even feed the monsters. There are so many fine examples today of this kind of rigidity within the world, religions, politics and staunch belief systems of any kind. We learned about these same potent examples in civics many years ago, manifestations of nationalism, racism, hate… and here they are again today. To deny ourselves capable or dare I say, responsible for our continued growth, change and evolution is such a wasted opportunity. Evolving simply the thought that this is a friendly loving universe is an awesome place to restart.

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